I havent chose to post anything personal in months when i realized certain people were spying on my blog(fuck em its my life and any outsider who reads this and feels a certain way, live with it but dont ever, ever, ever bring any of my blog postings up)... but in not doing so ive been the one suffering because serious things have been on my mind and heart the past few months... this is my oath to myself and my readers (who respond)... i will express myself because its therapeutic and necessary for me to get these things off my chest...
starting with this... because of my most recent situation a certain song has been in my head like fuckin crazy... and the oddest part is im really not all that into R&B music but i had heard this song 1 time when EB posted it... and it jus came outta nowhere and i feel like it fits how i feel... corny as fuck i know BUT... it... is... what it... fuckin'... IS!!!
Jasmine Sullivan- Lions, Tigers, and Bears
chorus:
I'm not scared of lions and tigers and bears/
(No I'm not)...
But I'm scared of... loving you/
I'm not scared to perform at a sold out affair/
(That's right)...
But I'm scared of loving you/
Am I the only one who thinks it's an impossible task/
Why it don't last? Is that too much to ask?/
Why do we love, love?..... when love seems to hate us?/
2nd verse:
Most circumstances I know my fate/
But in this love thang, I don't get the game/
Why does it feel like those who give in/
They only wind up losing a friend/
Just cause I love you and you love me/
It doesn't mean that we'll ever be/
Fly cross the ocean, sing for the queen/
But the most frightening thing is you and me/
----------------------------------------
This part stands out because im finally coming to grips with the harsh reality that i do have a COMMITMENT ISSUE/PROBLEM... i know what i want but i continuously run away from it because im not ready to let down my guard completely, and be with one person EVEN when they treat me how i want to be treated and/or love me how i want to be loved. I have no clue what this stems from or why it is.
Its frustrating and scary to know im 26 and i cant carry out a monogamous relationship, and the last time was the final straw which proved to me that ITS ME thats the problem. In these situations i end up losing friends i care about because i go to that level and in the end i cant/dont commit.
if ur reading this u prolly think its not big a deal and every1 goes thru some type of trouble with the heart when making choices and decisions BUT this shit is soooo hard at this point and i dont know what to do.
*DAMN THIS IS HARD*
*i guess i'll go to sleep now, since the sun is up *shakin' head*
Sunday, September 28, 2008
they say... "are u SERIOUS?"
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3 comments:
Things happen for a reason. You'll find what your looking for. When your not looking for it.
Remember what Antwan said outside of Maxwell's. 26 is relatively a very young age and you have time to figure it out. Keep your health
Awwweeee sweetie pie
first... yes fuck em... the reason I blog is because its therapeutic too... so first I commend you for being able to put yourself out there...
second... I was told by one of my boys that no matter how much commitment issues a man has.... when the one comes along... all of it subsides... so maybe right now you may want to commit to a certain lady because she may seem perfect or whatever the reason... but she may not really be it. You may just be longing to be in a meaningful relationship since its seems you haven't been in one before.
Time will tell all... but that Jazzy songs speaks volumes... when I first heard it, it took me to a place I used to be... glad my sharing it touched something in you.
Chin up bruh... see if you had made that trip to NYC... we could have partied all this anguish away...lol
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