they say... "WHY do BAD things happen to GOOD people?"

Doin alotta thinking and praying for my "ex"...

*quick background*
Around 2002/2003 me and my "ex" decided it would be good for us to go our separate ways... the relationship was in a "fizzling out" faze... after that we did the on and off thing for a few years... that led to me and her having a conversation about how we truly felt and she told me that she wanted to get engaged and have a baby... i was shocked! (but not really)... the additive to this is that she was told by a doctor that she would have serious complications when she decided to get pregnant, and the older she got the higher her risk would be. (she's 2 years older than me)

With that said i decided i was young and i wasnt ready, and i've always seen myself getting married before i bring a child into this world... but we were on 2 totally different pages future wise, so we finally split and went our separate ways.

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We remained friends keeping each other posted on our dating life, somewhat... about 7 months ago she called me to get my wishes on her being pregnant and i told her i was exited for her and that i hoped everything went well...

The last few months shes had complication all around the table... with the father, and more importantly with her health, and the babies health.

As a friend i went to an appointment with her where they ran some tests and everything was looking like it might be "ok!"...

She's been in the hospital a few days and i've been saying i was goin to see her but i was putting it off... so i set aside time to go see her today... i get out to the side of the bay that her hospital is and i get a call from her sister informing me that, "the baby didnt make it"... the babies heart wasnt beating... she was in her 7th month... the worst part is she still has to give birth in a few hours.......................

I feel like shit right now... i shoulda just went to visit the other day when i found out she was in the hospital but instead my selfish ass put it off... by no means could i have changed anything but as a friend i could have been there if it was just to show my face!

Jackie, i know u cant read this BUT im so fuckin' sorry this happened to u... all u ever realllly wanted in this world was to look ur own child in the eyes!... i'll pray for you and for your situation and i hope u get thru this... this is going to be a trying time in your life and if u need me i'm here!