2day i just seem to be in a random mood... its like all of a sudden i just got alot on my mind... alotta questions and few answers... things are just swimming around in my head...
the main thing i've been thinking about since this morning was the people i've decided to move on from and/or let go... was it for the best or was i being irrational?... i dunno but it seemed like the right thing to do @ the time... i'm just tired of dealing with some people and their ways... whether it be that their crazy, confusing, stupid, pointless, too emotional, etc etc etc...
another thing on my mind is my job... i swear i luv my job and in April my 6 months will be up and i will be eligible for a permanant position,, after talkin with my 2 supervisors they said my performance is above average and my accuracy is high, i just need to work on not being 5 to 10 minutes late on the regular (black ppl.) *shaking head*... i hope i can........... lemme rephrase that i will change that small problem cuz i really want to stay at this company...
any1 who knows me knows im this hard-core single person... all about being single but shit for the 1st time since my ex i think its gettin old... could be the weather... could be a phase... i dunno but i've been thinkin about having a girlfriend i just dont feel that way about any 1 person at the moment, every since my last "non-girlfriend" experience a while back i haven't seen that same type of interest spark yet... i dunno maybe i should just keep doin me like i originally planned... i guess i'll figure it out
my ex wanted talk to me in person so i agreed hadn't seen her in hella long... now when we were 2gether she found out she might not be able have kids, we NEVER tried but after they ran some test they told her she would have to go thru a procedure to get pregnant and that she should do it before she got too old (she's 28 now)... about a year and a half ago she asked me would i be father of her child when she went thru the procedure and i told her i couldn't do that cuz i didn't know what would be the situation with me and her and i don't plan on having kids until im married or @ least with the person i plan on marrying... so this talk she wanted me to have with her was basically what most call CLOSURE(even tho we've been apart for years)... the talk got real emotional as she cryed and told me she waited for me as long as she could (even tho' i told her to never wait for me)... so at that point she never told exactly what the convo was about except for closure... so like 2 weeks ago she lets me know she pregnant and asks for my blessings, i was happy for her, she always wanted to have a baby... since her i moved on with my life BUT i cant front that shit shocked me and made me think what if???... i remember sittin on the phone thinking to myself "LIFE IS SO NOT A GAME" and "time moves forward"... all-in-all... im happy for her and her situation but that shits been on my mind!
my living situation at the moment is hectic... im living with my best friends aunt and uncle (which is just like my aunt and uncle)... its hella coo' cuz it a reasonable commute to work vs. moving back to Oakland (40+ miles away from work)... the thing is that they have 7 kids that range from 6 to 18 and another live-in family member... i'm not use to not having my space... every since i moved outta my moms house i've had my own shit... so on a more personal level this is way outta my norm... its fun being over there but when im in my "G-SWEET MODE" i gotta go somewhere instead of jus bein home and chillin... i think i should be gone no later than mid February...
i've about had it up to my 4head with the fact that my mom and my brother don't get along... i don't know what to do its like a bad episode on a tv show... he's 18 and thinks he's grown so naturally my moms attitude is "if u grown do like grown ppl. do and get out"... and i cant fault her for that BUT f*ck man they need to get it 2gether... my brother moved to my grand mothers house and now my mother lives alone... her and her husband are on the rocks so he no longer lives there and with my brother gone it leaves me worried because she sickly so aat any moment i never know whats gonna happen... my family in general need to work on their family values...
lately i've been looking into investment so i can set up my finances so my money can work 4 me... i want to get a good African-American financial counselor, also i'm decided to re-vamp my business that i started 2 years ago "SWEET SPOT CLOTHING"... trust u'll hear more about this again soon...
i haven't been the same ol' me lately haven't had the desire to go out clubbin, i've voluntarily been workin long hours @ work, ive been jus kinda chillin out on the weekends, cant remember the last time i had a real date (wait it was like a month ago i think), not much really excites me anymore, WTF is goin on with me!?
(there's more but i'll keep that 2 myself)
WELL GOTTA GET BACK TO WORK... I'M HERE TIL' 11 2NIGHT (12 hr. day)... HOPEFULLY ALL THIS SHIT FALLS INTO PLACE!
Monday, January 14, 2008
they say..."these are just MY THOUGHTS"
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11 comments:
Breathe, Sweet G, Breathe ... It'll all work out as it should (i know...i hate to hear that when i'm goin' thru IT too - but i've learned it's true;-).
i hate those time sticklers ... they don't say anything when i stay late - but they get all in a tizzy when i arrive a few minutes fashionably late. LOL!
If there's any two things that I've learned in my lifetime it's that everything happens for a reason and that nothing happens before it's time so while it's normal for you to wonder "what if", the fact STILL remains that it wasn't meant to go down like that.
I've been feeling pretty random myself lately... [and you already know about the hell that is my current living situation] so TRUST when I say I got an idea what you must be going through...
Hold ya head bruh!!! As long as you've got a plan it's gone be aiight.
**Oh...and I'mma need you to get to work ontime n'kay??? [Whispering: If you absolutely MUST be late er'ry now and again, you might wanna let that "black ppl syndrome" kick in AFTER you land a permenant spot!!
KAPISH?!?!? ;-)
CAPCITY... ues i will take a deep breath... very true soooo manmy ppl. in my personal life say the same thing about my situations... yea ive been better @ the time thing lately.
MS. B... i always use the "everything happens for a reason" creed in my life but sometimes i still question stuff... but i just couldnt do that im not ready 4 a child and as far as her she's a sweet person but i'll just say this her man got his work cut out cuz shes as dramatic as they come. *shakin' head*
and my living situation is a walk in the park compared to urs... but i still dont feel right not havin my own spot... the shit is borderline depressing...
and ive been gettin to work on time so i should be good!... THANX-A-MILLION MA'
It will work out, if anything you got alot off your chest. Try prayer, search for your spiritual side, ask God to reveal to you your purpose and everything will come together. You will be alright!. I will keep you in my thoughts.
I feel you bruh. I always think "it could be worse" when thinkin' of fucked up situations in my life. You have a lot on your mind. As of late I have grown a lot spirutually. I'm not really the "pray and it will workout" type of person. Nor am I big on religion. But a personal conversation with whatever higher power you belive in works for me.
Trust me can comment on your situation because I have and am still living it. Be strong brother. We as black folks were built tuff. Made for resiliance.
Pressure makes diamonds.
STILL P... thanks, ur words are much appreciated... and i keeo saying i need to go to church... if im not working im for sure going this Sunday.
SMITTY... yea u feel me, FEEL ME (pause)... when it comes to some of this shit... but yea alotta stuff is still going great in my life... and ive always been 1 that felt that struggle builds character... but im also a poster boy for "wanting/trying" to be in control of every aspect i possibly can... so the unstable parts of my life are gettin to me... but im straight and i know whats to come.
Damn you have a lot going on man!
On your New Year's post, when I asked if you're ready for your ex, I meant that I didn't think she was finished with you yet. Women don't call their ex's at damn near the stroke of midnight for no reason.
It seems like she finally has closer, but at the same time...I don't know...the fact that she was so emotional about it, makes me say once again, that I don't think she's done with you yet...even though she's pregnant.
Is she one of the people you decided to move on from, but are now questioning the decision?
The job...take your clock of CP time and make it fifteen minutes fast man.
damn homie...
everyone has these type of moments.
thats why i left my home-state..just had to get away for a min.
but you'll get through my dude..you are probably just going through a redefining moment where you are growing as a man in general.
wanting more out of life and realizing you deserve it.
keep positive and have a talk w/ that damn brother of yours *if he dont cause you to give em grown ass man ass whoopin*
hoping for the best with you and yours :-}
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Yeah, there are just times like this in your life, when you feel you really aren't moving, stuck...I've been feeling the same especially the relationship thing, and yet i'm not out trying to meet anybody, and not answering the phone...don't know what it is...perhaps it's just time to be still and work on me. You have so much to look forward to, and it will all fall into place.
Damn G, goin through it huh homie. Sh*t remember if you ever need to grab a bite to eat and chop it up you know my number…
I say work on you right now man. Quit coming in late to work and hold down that job! When you get your finances together everything else will eventually fall into place…
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